From Scratch Series Part 8: Layne's Diary
by Jade-Max
Summary: Layne Djo-Solo's diary - the events of "Homecoming" and beyond as seen through her eyes. OC. NJO AU. Complete!
1. Gidden's Return

**Disclaimer:** It's George's sandbox; I'm simply destroying the sandcastles - but the OCs mentioned within [Tana, Jarid, Layne, Gidden, Kalen, Scruffy, Jana, etc.] are mine.

**Title:** The Girl Who Would be Queen - The Diary of Layne Djo-Solo

**Author:** Jade_Max

**Timeframe:** Set during _Homecoming_ and post _Homecoming_

**Characters: **Layne Djo-Solo

**Summary:** Layne's diary - the events of "Homecoming" through her eyes

**Notes:** Written for the first **"Dear Diary"** challenge on the TFN boards. Companion piece to Homecoming. These entries are short but there are 52 of them - one for each week of the year; as per the stipulation of the challenge.

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**The Girl Who Would be Queen - The Diary of Layne Djo-Solo**

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 1 - Gidden's Return**

Gidden returned home today.

Where to begin with the events of today? Do I start with the regular sessions mother and father insist I attend; the ones where I watch and mark those who do not speak their grievances because they do not trust Jedi? The ones who speak overly much for fear the Jedi will see or sense what they truly feel? Or perhaps I should tell of the simpering, fawning fops who grace the court daily in the hopes of winning the privilege of courting me?

I do not think I will begin in any of these places. I will simply begin with this.

Gidden returned home today.

He returned and, to everyone's shock but my own, handed me the title that should have been mine at birth. Chume'Da; heir to the Hapan throne. I do not begrudge my brother his former title. He did not choose it; he was assigned it by my misguided parents. For they were misguided. I love my brother, but Gidden has never desired to be the heir apparent to the Hapan throne. He has never desired the fame, nor the fortune; he has never desired the attention it has brought on him.

He has been away for many years. Years in which our correspondences have fairly rung with his desire for escape. Escape from the responsibilities and the notoriety. He has often written to me asking if I would like to step into the role, or if I would mind if he stepped back. He has asked my permission and received it.

The fact of the matter is simple. I know not how to be anything but the Chume'Da. For while Gidden may have held the title, I practiced it. I learned politics while my parents were teaching my siblings to fence. I learned etiquette and intrigue as my siblings learned to control their tempers. I often watched the holos of my mother's grandmother's personal diary on the circumstances that brought my mother to power, and while I find her insights intriguing, I do not trust them. I know too much of her history, including the assassination of my Grandfather's brother, to trust her.

I will not fail to respect her, though. Or, I should say, I did not fail to respect her. For Ta'a Chume has been dead for years. I was not surprised at her low profile burial, or that her death was not announced immediately. Mother is a shrewd politician; she knows that presenting the people with a fait-accomplit will be better accepted than presenting them with one that has no closure. For there was closure in the fact that Ta'a Chume had not been seen nor heard from and the public has been permitted access to her grave site.

I disagree with mother on this point, but her logic has proven sound. Few tears were shed for the old woman. And yet, in comparison, many tears were shed when Gidden took his leave to obtain his Jedi Knight rank. Women of all the houses cried, including our own. Tana in particular made a spectacle of herself.

I suppose I cannot blame her for not wanting him to leave, but now, after five years, will she relish his return? I hope that, if nothing else, that his presence will calm her reckless behavior. I feel compelled to reiterate that, with Gidden's return, I have been granted the title that was rightfully mine. It is almost unbelievable, despite the fact I was expecting it.

Now, perhaps, I can convince mother and father to marry Tana to Cyris to put an end to her wild ways once and for all. Hopefully _before_ she brings more shame down upon our family.

We shall see.


	2. The Attack on Tana

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 2 - The Attack on Tana**

My _dear, sweet_ sister was attacked yesterday evening in the gardens of our own Palace! I should be shocked and appalled. I am not. A part of me is just numb and I cannot help but think she brought this on herself.

That she was not attacked before now is a mystery - but to be attacked on the very night Gidden returns home? _Please!_ I do not know if she contrived the whole matter as a way to gain his attention - for I would not put it beyond her - of if I should believe that it was in fact genuine.

I remember how Tana cried constantly when he left, seeking other pursuits than her company. And who could fault him for it? Gidden was the Chume'Da, a highly sough after young man in the position to inherit the throne of the Hapes cluster. Why would he stay here with plain, troublesome Tana? I think it was a good thing he left. It gave him a confidence that he would never have acquired if he ha stayed at home. I can see it in his postures and speech patterns. He is very sure of his abilities.

Yet, I can sometimes see the vulnerability of his younger self. I know he rescued Tana. It was a daring and noble thing to do - in his sleep shorts no less! Mother's Grandmother would have been mortified. Well... perhaps annoyed; I am certain _she_ never saved anyone in her sleep clothes. Of course, she arranged for assassins on more than one occasion to prevent becoming a target herself so I cannot see her running to anyone's rescue, let along in her sleep clothes.

Tana has never taken her lessons to heart and I do not believe she ever took any lesson not taught by Gidden seriously. Mother has tried, and has far more patience than I, to get her to see the errors of her ways, but this incident is just another in a long line of scandals that I am determined to put a stop to.

I may be Chume'Da, but if Tana is unable to behave herself and continues to bring down shame upon our family, I will find no suitable male willing to be my consort! Imagine! A Queen Mother as a form of amusement to her people based on the acts of her siblings. It has never happened as former Queens have often assassinated siblings, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles to achieve absolute control over the throne.

I find myself loathe to follow this path, despite mother's grandmother having suggested it many times in her journals as an acceptable way of dealing with a problem. Why? I suppose I feel some kind of loyalty to her. She _is_ my sister, for all her faults. Mother has asked me to be patient with her and I feel I have been. But my patience is wearing thin. Tana does not listen to me; has no time for discussion or even the meetings I arrange for her with Cyris. Oh, she i polite, but I do not think she understands that Cyris is the only male of her class who has an even remote interest in her.

Tana needs to learn humility and perhaps, just perhaps, Cyris can teach her.


	3. Cyris

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 3 - Cyris**

Tana does not know a good thing when she sees it! The nerve of her, turning down my carefully arranged luncheon with Cyris to spend a day in her garden? I have a mind to tell her a thing or two. Perhaps three.

Cyris is a kind man; a good man. Good for Tana, that is. In looks, I suppose he is the typical Hapan noble, I suppose. Handsome, tall and strong. He is willing to cater to a woman's needs and wants, as is customary in Hapan customs. He is obedient, but willing to say no if he does not agree. He is intelligent, like mother's father, and not afraid to use that intelligence to obtain what he seeks. He knows his place and knows when not to speak; a silence that is a blessing as much as a curse. For I have had many discussions with him and found that silence to be nerve wracking. Tana appears to relish her silence.

I do not see the problem; she should adore him.

Oh, wait; he is not blonde. That must be it. Tana has a penchant for men who resemble our older brother. Something I do not and cannot understand. Gidden is family; to be seen with someone who closely resembles him has only added layers to the distasteful gossip. Layers that were not needed.

I suppose it would make sense then that Tana is not attracted to the most handsome man in the court; Cyris has straight black hair, as different from Gidden's as possible, though it is still stylishly cut and not left to the ravages of nature like my dear brother's. Perhaps Cyris is everything she wishes she could be - poised and elegant and not to mention gorgeous! I do not see how she cannot understand that it would do her own plain looks no harm to be seen with an attractive and stylish male like Cyris.

Alas, my dear sister does not see the point. She is more interested in that garden of hers than the companionship of a man. At least, a man she has not chosen for herself.

I swear, Tana should never be allowed to choose her companions. I try to help her and this is how she repays me. Neglecting Cyris, breaking the arrangements she has known about for the better part of the past month, turning her nose up at my careful preparations! You would think Gidden's return would have enforced better behavior since that was her goal from the beginning, but it has done nothing but made her withdraw.

I suppose I will simply have to go in her place and offer apologies to Cyris. Perhaps, if he has the afternoon free, I will ask him to model for me once more. There are no more perfect specimens of masculine beauty than he.


	4. Force Facts of Life

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 4 - Force Facts of Life**

Today was a dull day. Mother and Father insisted on a family gathering in Tana's garden. Tana's garden. Imagine. The garden belongs to the Palace, not to my bratty sister. Not that I have ever been able to convince anyone else of that fact. I must admit though; Tana has an excellent eye for detail.

I brought my easel with me today and set up apart from the rest of the family. I am content to allow them their space, and they allow me mine. I rarely fit into family gatherings without Grandpa Han. At least, if he were here, I would have someone who could understand what it was not to be a super human.

Mother has tried to explain the situation, but in reality, she and Father understand me as much as I understand them. Which is to say not at all. Mother tries, Father indulges me - I often think he does so to make up for my differences. To make up for my lack of Force abilities; abilities that should have been mine but were denied me.

Jarid... he has tried to explain the situation and, to be fair, does not flaunt his powers with me. Of all my siblings I am closest to him. It is Jarid that feels the doubts I have. It is Jarid that sees I am not as confident in taking the title of Chume'Da as I would have others believe. It is Jarid who understands me better than I sometimes known my own thoughts.

He claims it is because he can sense me, faintly, through the Force. Father explained it as a Twin Bond. Something he had with Aunt Jaina but dissolved during the war. Jarid has something similar with Tana but, he confided in me that he had always felt her bond with Gidden turned it dormant. That Tana acknowledges a stronger bond with Gidden than her own flesh and blood.

I know not, nor do I care, for the in-depth details behind it. Force talk bores me. I find that the older I get, the more their Force antics annoy me. I cannot help it. I am the only child without Force sensitivity. While unfair - I am the oldest of the triplets - I suppose I would be much too much to contend with if I did have their abilities. Mother has often said I am a powerful enough presence without them. If I had them, I would be overpowering.

Ah, the injustice of life. Perhaps Tana would listen to me if I had Force abilities. But, alas, I do not. As a young child I often wondered what it would be like to challenge my siblings on their own ground; to know the rush of using a greater power beyond yourself to accomplish that which you desire. To know the feel of wonderment and excitement the first time the Force responds as you command it to. To know the secrets of the future and past, to have fragments reveals and concealed.

But, it is not to be so and I will never know.


	5. Glorified Babysitter

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 5 - Glorified Babysitter**

I was reduced to babysitter today.

Me! The Chume'Da! Babysitting a couple of bratty, stuck up, snot nosed kids. It was insulting! But, of course I had no choice. Mother would never have taken no for an answer - not when she had Tana to consider.

How is it that I, the eldest and least privileged child in the family - barring Gidden of course - am unable to obtain an afternoon of my own mother's time? She will not pose for me anymore. She has time only for conducting the lessons I will require for my role as Queen Mother. Not that I wish mother's health to fail, or her reign to end soon. She is a skilled politician, despite her grandmother's spiteful diary entries stating she would never amount to anything. I find it appalling that mother's grandmother tried to assassinate her.

Mother, however, would be wiser to select a Force Sensitive babysitter for Kalen, Allana, Kym and Sayl. The indignities I am put through at their hands!

Imagine this. I asked nicely if those children would pose for me. Allana is always willing; she dreams of being a holo-actress, of all things. Kalen must be convinced. Their friends, Uncle Kyp's children, take bribery. Happy I could spend the afternoon doing something that pleased me while attempting to assist my mother, imagine my indignation when they stole my paint brushes and hung them, suspended, by using the Force!

Mother has spoken with the whole family about flaunting their powers in front of me. Uncle Kyp's children have no such qualms. I may be Chume'Da but once they get bored, they are holy terrors! It never stops with my paint brushes. Next go my paints. Then my canvas. They even try to lift _me_ off the ground! Bratty kids! Mother will certainly hear about it at dinner this evening.

I was tempted not to tell her, but when Kalen up-ended a jar of my best pure black paint on my hair and dress, I knew I could not avoid it. They laughed - laughed! - at me and I finished what they had started. I may be a princess, but mother did insist we all learn some basics in self-defense. I believe they forgot about these lessons.

The reminder will not be fading any time soon. I may have black streaks in my hair until I can find where they hid my solvent, but they will have no dinner tonight and no breakfast in the morning as punishment.

Brats; I'll teach them to try and push _me_ around.


	6. Rifts

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 6 - Rifts**

Ah, my sister has once again caused a stir. She has locked herself away in her garden yet again and done nothing but plant and water for the last couple of days.

I had hoped I would be used to this by now, but I am not.

I suppose I should have been ready for this. Tana has spoken often of Gidden and the day he should return. She has yearned for his companionship and acceptance. He has always been more understanding with her than I. I have often wondered where the rift in the relationship I have with my sister began. Was it when I discovered, actively, that I was different - that I could not use the Force. Was it when Tana out grew me in confidence, drawing strength from Gidden's acceptance and approval when I had to thrive on that of Jana and Scruffy? Was it perhaps the day I beat her at hand-to-hand combat and found myself suspended above the mat because she refused to lose? I do not know where the rift began, only that there is one. One that I feel keenly.

I am alone.

I know I am alone. Mother and Father try to have be believe otherwise, but with Grandfather Isolder off world more than he is here, I truly wonder if they understand. I have not seen either of my grandfathers for well over six months and I miss them terribly. Mother's father is understanding and is often my greatest supporter when Father's father cannot be here. Both are intelligent and witty and while mother's father is a better conversationalist, Father's father makes up for it in wit.

I could have no better role models, but I wonder then why I am often removed from their presence when my siblings are allowed to stay. Is it because I monopolize the only people who seem to understand me? If it is, how dare they begrudge me that! How dare they be so selfish when they have each other every day of their lives?

I do not think they know how difficult it is for me to smile, to feel as if I am a _part_ of this family and not simply a spectator. I have been labeled a wall flower and the quiet one by my siblings. I am the last to speak at family gatherings, though I often have the most meaningful thing to say. I will hold my tongue in matters where I feel I know more than they do for not wanting to risk giving offense.

Perhaps they are correct about me. I am more open with strangers than I am with my family. But then, strangers often lack Force Sensitivity. I find that they can relate more accurately to what I am feeling and I have often wished I had been born to parents without the Force.

I am a horrible daughter to wish such a thing.


	7. The Oath

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 7 - The Oath**

Gidden wished to know about Tana today. He tracked me down in my room, even offering to pose for me - imagine that! - if I would simply give him some hints as to Tana's strange behavior. My brother wanting to pose in exchange for information; bartering his body like some common... well, not _common_ - but like some high-priced whore!

As if I would do such a thing! Mother would never forgive me for gossiping about my sister if I did. Not that she need know about it, but I gave her my solemn oath I would let Tana be the one to explain her sordid past to Gidden. I cannot believe mother made the entire household do so!

What could possibly be the big problem with Gidden learning about Tana's past from someone else? In my opinion he would be better prepared to deal with her and her wild mood swings. Not to mention he might just chew her out for her actions and _then_ maybe, just maybe, she would think about her position seriously.

I doubt it, but the possibility is there and all because of such a ridiculous promise too. At least if Gidden was fore-warned, he would be able to better prepare for the fact that Tana's... - I cannot call them suitors, but perhaps it is better to call them _companions_ - yes, Tana's companions all look remarkably like him. If that does not unnerve our brother, I do not know what will.

I, for one, would be very disturbed if I had found out that Gidden or Jarid had only been seeing women who were similar to me in feature. It would be creepy. As if they were dreaming of a future they could not have.

And perhaps Tana is. But with Gidden?

Yuck!


	8. Dennig

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 8 - Dennig**

The insufferable beats! How dare he?

Imagine, trying to blackmail me - _ME!_ - with his actions and the supposed honor of my sister! Ha!

I should have had him thrown in the dungeon!

To think I would even consider paying any kind of blackmail money, especially to such a despicable person. First, he dares try and assault my sister, and then he tries to make a profit off it. If he would have succeeded, he would have achieved his desire - he could have claimed her innocence and her hand. Mother would have had to bow to public pressures and allow the match. Second daughters are not allowed the freedoms of the Chume'Da - thankfully.

It would have been a shame, really. Tana, for all her faults, certainly deserves better than that two faced twit.

Thankfully he did not succeed and, while I question my lapse in judgment about seeing him, I now know the truth. Dennig was a perpetrator in my sister's attack, one of several. His bragging, I trust, was mostly bravado. While I may not have the Force, I am quite capable of discerning a lie when I hear one.

Perhaps it is the way of things.

My siblings can manipulate things and objects; I manipulate people. Not only manipulate, but read them fairly easily. Most of the time. I find my family and other Force Sensitive's are a mystery, though they too have their signals. Perhaps it is just that I have learned to watch for them.

Take that slime Dennig, for example. He swaggered when he entered the small room where I had agreed to meet him. But his swagger was forced, like he was consciously trying to make it seem natural. Then the way he perspired - he should have been wearing a sign that said "I am nervous!"

And so he should be! I may not be a Jedi, but I have a formidable reputation none-the-less of being able to take care of myself. Dennig's younger brother, Klas would be able to tell you more but, alas I do not think his jaw has yet healed. Such a pity - the wires do nothing for his looks.

Of course, once Dennig explained to me why he had come to see me, I was ready to do the same to him. Instead I behaved as Mother has previously instructed - and as how mother's grandmother advises in her diaries. I was calm and I turned the tables on him. If mother had seen me I trust she would have been proud.

But no one saw - Dennig's condition was a personal meeting with no bodyguards. Ha! I do not need them with a spineless worm such as he. Still, perhaps he deserved it for being presumptuous enough to attack my sister. The fiend; if he had succeeded I do believe he would have found the wrath of my brother Gidden more pleasurable than what I would have done.

Ah, but we shall never know. Needless to say he has gone into hiding and will think twice before attacking Tana or any other noble again. Now, I just need to find Scruffy... She'll be most interested in this information.


	9. Tana and Gidden

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 9 - Tana and Gidden**

I cannot believe what assailed my ears this evening! No, I will not believe it - and yet I do. I believe it so much so that I feel nausea just thinking about it.

Tana and Gidden were found together in the garden by father this evening. Not only found together, but he caught them _kissing_! Kissing! Like two eager teenagers who could not keep their hands to themselves! I think I am going to be sick...

...

Ah, that is somewhat better. I still feel queasy just thinking about the matter. How could anyone enjoy kissing their sibling? What is wrong with them? True, Gidden was adopted, but he is our brother for Force sakes! Our brother! As in, family. I suppose, on some level, it makes a twisted kind of sense, but ew! Yuck

This only proves my point, I believe. Tana needs someone strong, someone who can take her in hand and show her how to act like a proper young woman. Someone with principals and manners who will be firm but understanding. Cyris comes immediately to mind and, the more I think about it, the more I am certain he is exactly what she needs to be set on the right path.

I have no doubt Tana will fight me on it, but anything is better than letting her ruin our family name and any chance at regaining the complete trust of the people with such a despicable and disgusting rumor! Force forbid they should actually want to do something about that horrible kiss.

I must act quickly, but carefully, if I am to betroth Cyris to Tana before she can get it in her mind to wantonly chase after our brother. It will take much doing but, in the end, I believe she will thank me. If, for no other reason, than I will have saved her from a fate that she cannot possibly comprehend. Being vilified by the people your parents have sworn to protect is an unpleasant prospect. One I simply cannot allow for my sister, no matter how distant.


	10. Interrogations

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 10 - Interrogations**

Screams are such sweet music when drawn for the right reasons.

Would you believe that I have been left in charge of gathering information from the captives my brother brought home? I do not know if I should be flattered that Gidden thinks me capable of torture, or that be believes me capable of extracting information without it. Of course, I believe he is simply searching for a way to dispose me my talents and my presence for two reasons.

The first, and most obvious, is that I am not a Jedi. Prisoners appear more willing to talk to me simply because I will not pull the information from their minds. It is common knowledge that I am not Force Sensitive, and I use that to my advantage. Prisoners are very gullible and often more willing to speak with me once they confirm my identity.

Second, I believe Gidden wishes to establish a link between Tana and I. While commendable in the effort, I do not believe speaking with her attackers will make me feel any more charitable towards my sister than I already do.

Of course, I have long studied the journals of Mother's grandmother with regards to her own technique to torturing prisoners for information. I abhor torture - it is so messy. And so unnecessary. At least, in the forms Mother's grandmother recommends.

Information can be garnered from so many different fashions. Why would I inflict pain, physical pain that is, when I can often talk circles around those in the dungeons? Why would I use the crudeness of the rack and be told confessions out of fear when I can garner information with false promises of leniency - a leniency only I could provide if they simply tell me what I wish to know.

Our dungeons are feared - and rightly so - after mother's grandmother ruled the Cluster with an iron first. Many there were who disappeared behind these walls to never be seen again. Of course, my parent's history indicates that most of these prisoners were held in the underground warrens, tortured and maimed before being pressed into service. Mother's grandmother's diaries indicate the women were most willing and the men of little consequence.

How typical.

Mother's grandmother never could see the usefulness of the male species beyond standing stud.

Fortunately my grandfathers, father and brothers have shown me that even men have other uses. Some are witty, others charming and all are subject to a beautiful woman's charms. And I am more beauteous than most.

I digress.

I supposed I simply wished to note that I am not someone to underestimate because I lack Force powers. It is something that Dennig has forgotten; something he seems to think makes me more approachable than others in my family. He is lucky I simply do not leave him to rot as I am tempted. Dennig will be used - as he sought to use my sister - and then discarded for the sake of justice. No matter what other information he may hold, no matter what I discover, he and his fellow schemers must be made an example of.

There will be no leniency; no mercy. No deal.

Dennig and his compatriots will be but a forgotten memory; and that is more than they deserve.


	11. Jana

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 11 - Jana**

I cannot believe mother keeps her around! Imagine, encouraging such shameful behavior between siblings!

I do not know what good she can possibly see coming of this situation by _encouraging_ my brother to chase after my sister. Happiness? What happiness can they possibly achieve when they will be shunned, outcast from a society that barely recognizes the male's rights even now, let alone the rights of adopted males.

Certainly mother and father attempted to change the outlook, but Gidden knew the people would never be able to accept him - even if he had wanted to be accepted. Which he does not. I suppose I should not be surprised by his attachment to Tana, but I simply cannot abide the encouragement he has been receiving from mother's most trusted advisor.

Follow his heart? Happiness is worth the risk? Love is special? What nonsense!

Mother and father may be a love match, but I highly doubt that their relationship would have been easier or even accepted, if father had been raised as mother's brother. Or vice-versa. I can just see the scandal. And Jana in the middle of it, urging them to disregard public favor to satisfy their own selfish desires.

Why is it that I am the only voice of reason in this turbulent situation?

Am I the only one not blinded by the ideal of love and the gains that must come of it? Am I the only one who can see beyond this moment to the next five or ten years? Am I the only one who sees heartache ahead as they strive to fit into a xenophobic culture who has little tolerance for those who are different? And no tolerance for those who would buck society's norms, despite their social standing? Tana's already an outcast; Jana's encouragement of their new relationship will only make things more difficult.

To make matters worse, I am the only voice no one is listening too! I simply refuse to take the blame for this fiasco - I should wash my hands of it; but they are family. And Families, no matter how strained, do not turn their backs on one another.

Jana however... I believe I will need to speak with her about her current position - or lack thereof when I am Queen Mother. Hopefully it will curb her tongue.


	12. Ultimatum

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 12 - Ultimatum**

My _dear_ brother simply does not understand politics. He actually demanded I stop trying to marry Tana to Cyris today. Imagine that! He told me Tana was not interested. Not interested? In Cyris?

The girl must be blind!

Until this afternoon, I had a hard time understanding why Gidden was so dead set on preventing this match that I overlooked the obvious. He is in love with her. If he was not, he would not have boldly informed me that Tana was his.

Ha! His! As if one can own another person.

Still, it was a rather impassioned speech for Gidden. I admit I had expected reluctance on Tana's part, I have even planned for it, but for Gidden to be the vessel in which I am exposed to her displeasure? It was most unnerving. A new plot for my sister to be certain. Face to face, for all her Force abilities, she has never been able to tell me no.

Not since Gidden left.

Of course, now that he has returned, she is proving to be more stubborn than in his absence.

Perhaps it is not Tana whom I should be focusing on, but Gidden. Perhaps I should have a discussion with him, rationally, about the problem. Of course, I have tried this already, but if I make him see he is too close to the problem that is Tana - blinded by _brotherly_ affection - it is possible he might just come to my way of thinking. But then there is that small voice in the back of my head warning me not to intrude. I shant listen of course - the scandal they could cause would be disastrous.

Of course, if I focus all of my efforts on turning Gidden away from Tana, it is possible I shall simply push him into doing something rash - like disowning the family - but I credit him with being more level headed than that!


	13. Contracts

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 13 - Contracts**

My little snipe of a sister is ignoring me. How dare she? I have sent her contract after contract to sign. Spent hours pouring over these with Cyris - who has been the soul of patience - only to have them returned, unopened and unread, to the office. I have given her leeway, concessions and freedoms in the contracts no other woman would dream of. Cyris has gone so far as to promise an independent estate where she can call on _him_ as she wishes and she still refuses to see the light!

That Gidden! This is all _his_ fault.

If he would simply do the honorable thing and step back before things become messier than they already are, matters can be settled well before mother and father return home. I admit I may be pushing hard for this, but Cyris insists that he will have Tana.

Or is it insists that he simply wants the whole mess behind him and the certainty of a match in his pocket?

I cannot remember.

There have been so many accusations and half-truths spoken of late that I am having trouble distinguishing what is what. Cyris was so expectant of this match when I first offered it to him, and now he seems resigned. As if this is perhaps not what he wants? Unfair, perhaps, but he is a man of honor who keeps his word.

Unlike that chit sister of mine. If she would at least _read_ the offers in the contracts I am certain she would give up the foolish and scandalous idea of Gidden as her... her significant other. If that means marriage I may simply go green once more.

No, she must be made to see that Cyris is the _only_ option left to her and the one she must accept.


	14. Betrayal!

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 14 - Betrayal!**

My own father, my own flesh and blood, has undermined my efforts to see Tana properly wed. And for what? So he can denounce the boy he raised to allow him free access to my sister. So _Gidden_ can court Tana freely, as a _commoner_ - of all things - and prevent the scandal that is sure to ensue!

If I could use the Force, I would go positively Sith!

And Mother... mother was ungrateful to say the least. She approves of my methods of with the people, but not with my own family. She accused me of being self-centered and scheming; she even threatened to take away the title Gidden so _willingly _gave me upon his return home! The title is mine by right. Mine! I _am_ the Chume'Da. Me! No one else. Jarid would not and does not want it, Tana would decline and Kalen and Allana are much too young to even begin thinking of such things.

I am the one who is thinking beyond myself, not of myself as she so callously claimed. I was simply trying to save the family from a scandal which it is likely not to recover from and for what? To have it thrown back in my face and my parents give this madness their blessing!

How dare they? How dare they meddle in my carefully laid plans? Gidden should never have returned home!


	15. The Wedding

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 15 - The Wedding**

I should not call it a wedding, for it was little beyond a Jedi joining ceremony, but I suppose the title fits.

They managed to get all of the family involved. Even Jarid took time off his precious missions - and his courting of Jysella Horn (a completely perfect and delicious match if I have ever seen one) - to come to this farce. I wish he had brought Jysella. She at least has a brother and could empathize with me.

Why is it that I am the only one who cringed as they said their vows? Does no one else see that marrying your brother, even your _adopted_ brother is wrong? Can they not tell that this is an abhorrent act, one that should never be contemplated - even _if_ Gidden was disowned?

Not that it is true.

Father has made a point of spending time with him despite the supposed split, though never in public. Mother has done the same. It was amusing to watch her sneak in and out of the Palace the first night - mother is still quite adept at stealth when she wishes to be - but it quickly lost its entertainment.

I can honestly say I have not been myself since learning that my parents approve of the match. On more than one occasion I have lost my temper at my father. Especially after I learned he would be the one officiating at their ceremony!

I cannot believe I was coerced into going. Threatened, blackmailed even - by my own _mother_!

I did not believe she had it in her. I guess what father says is true. In some respects beyond the physical, I truly do take after mother. Still, I am the only one of my siblings truly prone to fits of temper. As a non-Force inclined human, I find a show of good temper is liberating.

If only that temper had been able to prevent this horrible atrocity. Sadly, it was not, and now my sister is married to my brother - and yes, he will ever be my brother in my thoughts - and I will never forgive them for what they have done to me.

Never.


	16. Life Goes On

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 16 - Life Goes On**

The traitors have left and things once again settle towards an even keel.

The news of the Marriage has not yet leaked, to which I am very surprised, but the guards have been more vigilant than in the past. No missives leave, including those of mother and father, without security screenings. I suppose I would be hurt, but I am simply numb.

A part of me does not believe what has happened. I do not believe that the fabric of my family has been changed so much that I am now the publicly acknowledged eldest of the Djo-Solo children and the heir to mother's throne. I was Chume'Da because Gidden did not wish to be. Now, it is as if there was never another. It has been amazing the alacrity with which Gidden has been pushed from the public eye and forgotten.

The other part of me is appalled that my parents not only allowed it, but assisted its conception and completion. That part of me is horrified to see the Hapan people turn its backs, collectively, on the once acknowledged heir. Gidden has become an outcast in the only home he has known. He is unwelcome and would be shunned. He may deserve it from me, but the people have no right to do so.

It is not them he betrayed.

Yet life continues. With Tana gone, my duties have changed and my daily schedule has shifted. I find myself spending more time in lessons mother has planned for me and more time on the practice mat. My painting has slipped but I have deliberately curtailed that outlet. Tana's garden has fallen into disrepair, and weeds have begun to sprout among the flowers.

Where once it offered a perfect backdrop, or even a picture in itself, it has now deteriorated into a garbled mass of greens. My sister would be sad to see her garden in such a state, a fact that both pleases and distresses me. This garden was her refuge and while I may not have always seen eye to eye with her, I did understand the need to have a place that was yours alone.

Now that place has become my prison, for the palace seems emptier in the weeks since Tana left. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part, or simply something I ate. Yes. That must be it. A good night's sleep will do me good and tomorrow this foolish notion of loneliness will disappear.

I do not need those who would betray me, no matter if they are my blood. I will be fine without them.


	17. I Have Had Enough of Your Rules!

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 17 - I Have Had Enough of Your Rules!**

Mother is completely un-rational and I will no longer tolerate such disrespect! Imagine, restricting me, _Me!_ the Chume'Da to Palace grounds! And all because I did not appreciate being the subject of Kalen's joke and threatened him with a betrothal - you would think being a Jedi, she would have known I was not serious.

Of course, no one thinks I know how to joke anymore.

Everyone; mother, father, Kalen, Allana, Jana and even Scruffy take me far too seriously. I say something, like threatening Kalen with a betrothal, and they immediately believe I am actively searching for a partner for him. Do they not know I have learned my lesson? Do they not understand that I have been burned by the ungrateful, cursed by the unwilling and shunned by the uneducated? Cast aside like a leper for failing to control any aspect of my destiny, or those of my siblings? Does mother, an only child, not understand that Hapan customs dictated I try and do what was best for them?

And for what?

To be cast aside like rubbish and restricted in my activities and social gatherings. I was barred from participating in some of the most joyous festivals on the Hapan calendar year and then made to publicly apologize when I did not believe to have done anything wrong. I have had my freedoms curtailed, my responsibilities diminished and my public standing is in tatters.

Have I not suffered enough?

I have tried to follow their rules and I have tried to follow the customs and traditions of my people. Yet, they still clash. They collide as my parents try to find a medium in which all requirements can be met. Sometimes I believe Mother does not understand what it is to be a Hapan female anymore.

But I do.

Despite my shamming, I hold my head high and bide my time. They will not keep me down forever. For all my faults, I am still their daughter and more stubborn than either of them. They will fold before I will; I simply have to wait them out.


	18. Nightmares

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 18 - Nightmares**

Again I find I cannot sleep.

I wake in a cold sweat, with no recollection of my dreams, but with the knowledge that something important, something horrible has transpired.

I fear something has happened to one of my twins.

For the past four days I have felt spirals of pain running through my right arm, making it impossible to hold my diner utensils in some cases and my paint brush in others. I have felt muscle spasms, as if the arm cannot remember what it is supposed to be doing, and reached for it, just this morning while in session, with the sudden fear it had gone missing.

I have been plagued by nightmares; faceless, nameless terrors I cannot understand, nor do I remember beyond a semi-waking state. I see, on occasion and at the oddest of moments, through a pink haze.

Tana contacted me this evening, her expression worried, her demeanor hesitant - yet, regardless, she inquired if I was alright. I told her I was, how could I say otherwise when the contents of my nightmares have nothing to do with my current reality? I assured her that whatever she was feeling or seeing was not of my doing, nor to do with my current physical state.

But if Tana is seeing the same, then has something happened to Jarid?

He cannot be dead; I believe I would know it if he were. Has he been injured? Is he _near_ death? I cannot bear the thought of losing him. Jarid, for all his faults, is my brother and I do love him.

No; I must be mistaken. Tana must be mistaken. Jarid is fine and will arrive for his scheduled visit as planned and laugh at my nightmares as an over active imagination. I am not a Jedi; I am simply distraught from so much stress in my life.

Jarid is fine; I cannot believe otherwise.


	19. Twin Bond

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 19 - Twin Bond**

Jarid had always claimed he found mother and father's romance something of an inspiration. The Princess falling for the charming and somewhat roguish playmate, a prince without a planet. I had not expected him to enact it to such a degree though.

Word has just reached the Palace that Jarid has suffered an injury while on assignment; a grievous injury while accepting a blow that would have killed Jysella had he not intervened. He was maimed - as mother was - losing his right arm at the shoulder and his lightsaber with it. To make matters worse, the arm was destroyed though I know not how.

I remember receiving the message and feeling as if the missing piece of one of Kalen's puzzles had fallen into place.

I _had_ been dreaming of Jarid's experience.

I do not understand it is possible. Despite being his twin, I am not Force sensitive in any way. I have never "felt" his, nor Tana's pain before. Nor have I wanted to. Yet, I did. I felt it as if it were my own, including the burning and itching of feeling a ghost appendage. I felt his fear and sorrow, and his worry over Jysella, despite his own serious injuries.

It makes me wonder if twins, Force Sensitive or not, do indeed share some kind of mystical bond as my father once claimed to share with his sister. I had not thought I was capable of such a thing, and yet, I _felt_ Jarid's pain. I lived with it for a week.

I can no longer doubt that I am connected, despite being cut off from the Force, to my twins in a manner I do no comprehend.

It is frightening to think that one day I may feel their deaths.


	20. Heavy Heart Unburdened

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 20 - Heavy Heart Unburdened**

Jarid returned home today, thank the Force for small favors!

He is pale, but not shaken by his experience, his stump of an arm an almost grisly contrast to mother's old injury. Father has always said Jarid took after mother more than he did father. However, I do not believe this is what he had in mind.

Jarid, for his lacking his sword arm, is in good spirits. I suppose it has to do with the Horn who accompanied him. Jysella is looking far worse than my brother and, while I do not believe she was physically injured, I can see the guilt she carries. She believes herself responsible for his injury and is trying to make amends.

One can only speculate if their relationship will fracture, or perhaps deepen, because of this incident.

Honestly, in my private reflections, I never believed my brother able or willing to sacrifice himself for anyone other than family. I had not believed him to be that attached to Jysella either. Yet, I can see it in his good humor that he does not regret losing the arm, nor the painful fittings that he sits through daily.

Unlike mother, who lost her left arm, Jarid has decided to acquire a prosthetic. When I felt compelled to ask him why - though I thoroughly agree with the decision - I was told that it was only practical. He can fight with his left arm, but the right is - was - stronger. Besides; our Uncle Luke has one.

Personally I believe the last argument to be the one which has swayed him the most. As Uncle Luke was father's teacher, and then Jarid's for a time, his decisions and actions have swayed many. In this instance, I believe my mother and brother disagree, yet I do not believe mother holds Jarid's decision against him.

The decision is Jarid's to make, as it was once hers, and I am relieved to know what my brother will once again be whole sometime in the near future. Physically, anyway. Time will tell if he and Jysella will renew their close relationship or if her guilt over the matter will eat them alive.


	21. Family Drama

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 21 - Family Drama**

Jarid and Jysella are no more.

Master Corran Horn and his wife Mirax arrived today to retrieve their daughter and the silence between my brother and his former flame was positively icy. I cannot believe Jysella has let her guilt over his injury interfere with the strong commitment they shared.

It was unwise.

Perhaps inevitable. Jarid has become more irritable and curt with her of late, snapping at odd moments for her to grow up. It is nice to see my "little" brother acting like an adult, but I find I am torn between wanting to shake them both, and leaving things be. I have debated manipulating the situation; sending Jysella flowers with an apology note, or writing poetry (as I know Jysella does) for my brother.

Yet I find I am reluctant to do anything about it.

Perhaps this is a mistake they both need to make. Anyone with eyes can see they are both hurting. Jarid because Jysella no longer sees him the same way and, in some fashion, pities him. Jysella because she believes this whole mess is her fault. She believes she should have taken the stroke that would have ended her life and does not see that Jarid _saved_ her deliberately.

Funny, I credited her with more common sense.

Of course some say it is easy to see, or so they say, when you are looking into a situation from a detached point of view. And mine, according to my mother, is more detached than most. I have been accused recently of being unfeeling, uncaring and completely cold hearted.

It is not true, but perhaps it is for the best. If people see me as that, I will be less of a target. My family knows I am not uncaring and that is enough for me.


	22. What Goes Around

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 22 - What Goes Around...**

The nerve of the man!

I cannot believe I have been given an ultimatum! Me! The Chume'Da of Hapes! And by a _male _no less!

One would think that after everything I did to grant him his heart's desire in my sister, he would be grateful. But no, not Cyris. Instead, he has put forth a new proposal. I had accepted him as a potential mate for my sister and now he has the gall to assume that _I_ would lower myself to his level and honor that contract myself.

How preposterous! As if I, the Chume'Da of Hapes and daughter of Tenel Ka Djo-Solo would ever submit to such a pushy, self-righteous and gorgeous male simply because I am told! Ha!

Cyris needs to be taught a lesson, I believe. For him to even propose such a liaison indicates he believes I am the same kind of weak willed woman he took my sister to be. As if rejection from one sister was not enough, he will now suffer it from two - and publicly!

The nerve! Where did he come up with this absurd idea? His perfectly shaped pectorals? Or perhaps the delicious curve of his buttocks? Yes, that must be it; he must be thinking with his posterior to believe that I would ever honor a contract I had drafted with my sister's comforts in mind.

I am not Tana Djo-Solo; I am Layne Djo-Solo, Chume'Da of Hapes and I will not submit to some... some _man_ simply because he believes it is his due! Cyris has a lot to learn if he believes our discussions in the past indicate some kind of tendre for him.

Beyond his physical physique, and those soulful eyes lies nothing that interests me and he had best learn his lesson the first time - or it will be particularly painful the second.


	23. A Path Not Taken

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 23 - A Path Not Taken**

Concern for mother's sanity drives me to write this night.

Jarid, Kalen, Allana and I joined mother and father for dinner this evening and an announcement. Dinner was fabulous - our chef is unsurpassed - but mother's proclamation left it to sour in my stomach.

Allana is being sent to acting school.

My youngest sister has been admitted to the fine arts academy - with my parent's consent! - and will begin there in two weeks in lieu of the Jedi Academy

Have they completely lost their minds? First, this past year has brought family upheaval in the form of Tana and Gidden's marriage, then Jarid's disastrous relationship with Jysella and their painful separation and now this. Allana, my darling little sister, will train to become a holo star.

The injustice! The Hapan Royal family should not be brought to the levels of mere commoners! We are not common; our blood is noble, more noble than most with it holding the last of the Alderaanian line. And mother has decided it is _appropriate_ for it to be sullied by acting school!

I admit to storming out of dinner, but was I not justified? Being a Jedi is a much more respected trade than being a holo-star. Holo-stars have been accused of loose morals, corruption, indecency and a myriad of other crimes and slanders of the worst sort.

And mother _approves_ of this?

Imagine what will happen when Allana's presence at the academy is discovered. Not only will her performance reflect on her, but on the entire Royal family! We will be disgraced, slandered with the same titles and obscenities she is.

Mother has lost any and all sense of propriety when it comes to our Family name and the image we must present to the people. Mother should be more cautious as Allana is too young to know. I, for one, hope she is thrown out as a nobody in the first week so we can move beyond this shameful chapter in our lives. Allana then, can focus on joining the Jedi Academy and move into something a little less reviled in the Galaxy.

Imagine, a Djo-Solo as a holo-star. It is preposterous!


	24. Ever Changing

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 24 - Ever Changing**

Jarid has completely recovered and, after much debate, has decided to return to the Jedi academy. While I am disappointed he chose not to stay for longer, I can understand why he has chosen the path he has.

He has no desire to be Chume'Da, or to train in the niceties of the Hapan court. He has become restless being painted, observed, and gossiped about. His visits to Allana - now in her second month at school - have become uncomfortable and a chore. He is chased, much as Gidden once was, hounded by females of all classes and universally revered among our people as the son of our mother.

It is entertaining in a way; Jarid's injury did much to raise his esteem in the eyes of the Hapan people. Much to his dismay.

Jarid, of all my siblings, has never had a problem accepting his fame. In fact, he has been known to take advantage of it and its perks. Especially the women. It is no secret that my brother has several illegitimate children by different women. Women who insisted they wanted a child of our bloodline and willingly, as per Hapan law, lay no claim to him. It has worked in his favor that Hapan children are tracked back through their mothers.

It amazes me more that he has not accepted the offers of one of these women for a permanent attachment; of course, he is still hooked on Jysella.

I have seen the way he has moped about since her leaving four months ago. I have seen the hurt and confusion he has been trying to hide. A ridiculous part of me thinks I can _feel_ it as if it were my own, but I know this not to be the case. I can simply see it.

In his eyes.

In his posture.

In the fact he has been with no other woman since their break.

I believe, absurd as it seems, that Jysella Horn may have taken my brother's heart with her when she left and he does not yet know what to do without it. Or perhaps he does and is simply going to retrieve it.

Regardless, I wish him well and good luck; should he succeed in his quest, he could do much worse than Jysella Horn!


	25. Fame and Fortune

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 25 - Fame and Fortune**

I had not thought my baby sister to have the drive necessary to make it in the world of holo-stars, yet Allana has proven a tenacity and cut-throat nature I had not suspected. She has done everything possible, short of assassination - murder is such a dirty word - to get ahead of her peers.

In the last months since she has been at the Academy of Fine Arts, we have heard rumors of her sabotaging the roles in which she has been a minor understudy. Rumors, not proof, indicating that she has been smart enough and devious enough not to get caught. Mother's Grandmother would have been proud - I know I am!

Mother and Father have voiced concerns about allowing her to continue and, to my shock, I spoke out _against_ the idea. Me! Who had a problem with her entering the school to begin with! I do not know who was more shocked. Mother, Father or myself; it was a strange situation.

Mother spoke of pulling Allana out of the school and bringing her back to the palace, saying she was too young to be put in roles of such pressure.

Pressure? Allana? Mother must forget that we have all been under pressure. Each of us - especially Allana. As the youngest daughter, she has had to strive the hardest to make a niche for herself. I know; I have seen her struggling for recognition despite mother and father's attempts to ensure both she and Kalen have wanted for nothing.

Perhaps in this she can succeed.

I feel compelled to add that Allana has been cast in her first major understudy role and, shamefully, it is in a piece about mother. About her life before the Jedi Academy and her dutiful upbringing as a Hapan princess, trying to cull the wild Dathomirian side from her nature.

Such lies! Mother should have the director shot! I know I would.


	26. Like Father, Like Son

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 26 - Like Father, Like Son**

Jarid has done it!

I am delighted, diary, to note that I received a coded message from my brother today that was only addressed to me; and it said that Jarid had asked Jysella to marry him! My brother, _Jarid_ the playboy, has asked a woman to marry him!

I should not be shocked, but I am. I am recording the message down from the holo footage here so not to lose it:

_Hey Layne,_

_Long time no talk. I hope you're good and, frankly, that you've by now gotten over Tana and Gidden's marriage; it's been well past time. Time to let the grudge go, don't you think?_

_Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a note for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to say thanks. Thanks for seeing me off the day I left and encouraging me to go after what I wanted. I may not have looked it, but my pride had taken a blow and I really needed that talk. Something tells me you knew that though._

_Second, I wanted you to be the first to know that I asked Jys to marry me today - and she said yes!_

_I hope, no... I _know _you're happy for us - or rather will be when you get this. Don't tell mom and dad yet; we want to break it to the Horns first and then we'll come by for a visit and share the good news. _

_Knowing how you love a good intrigue, and knowing more than everyone around you, I don't see that keeping this a secret is going to be difficult._

_Thanks again, sis; without that talk this never would have happened. Stay out of trouble._

_Jarid._

Jarid is a touch sentimental at times, but his message means well. I cannot believe he is telling the Horns first! It must be Jysella's influence. Of course, Jarid probably hopes to ensure he has their blessing before coming to see mother and father.

As if the Horns would tell him no! If Jysella has said yes, her parents would be foolish not to give their blessing! Especially since I have never known Jysella to take no for an answer - at least, according to Jarid, that is how she is.

With Allana gone and only Kalen around, the Palace feels suspiciously empty at times and I will be looking forward to their visit with an almost eager anticipation. I cannot wait to tell him - to tell _them_ - congratulations in person!


	27. Humility

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 27 - Humility**

My luck, as my grandfather would say, appears to be changing.

With news of Jarid's engagement yesterday, I found today the perfect opportunity to speak with Cyris and snub his intentions publicly. It was delightful!

Mother and father had been planning this garden party now that the gardeners have been rehired and Tana's garden pruned. They invited all of the noble families, including Cyris and his parents. Imagines my delight when they made a public issue of what they claimed was a broken betrothal contract and demanded restitution - in the form of my hand!

Father appeared as if he were going to throw them out - he has been known to do so when people are rude - but Mother insisted I handle the matter. I could not believe my luck! I readily stood and turned to face them, absolutely ecstatic with my audience.

I asked them two questions. How is it a broken betrothal when the contract has not been signed by both parties and how could they expect _me_ the Chume'Da of Hapes to honor such an informal binding between myself and a lesser male.

I have never seen Cyris' face turn that peculiar shade of purple before, nor seen his mother, a woman of some note, turn with such rage on one of her children!

Mother insisted I was cruel after the fact and I admit I felt a slight twinge of conscience in turning him and his family down so blatantly in such a final matter, but he deserved it! That will teach him to think he can best me in my arena; he may be good looking but _I_ will not be manipulated so blatantly by anyone!

I just hope he has learned his lesson. I will honor no a contract in Tana's name - unsigned and unsealed - now or in the future. I am not Tana; I will do as I please with whom I please and it does not please me to be Cyris' trophy wife.

No; I will select a more suitable and malleable male for my consort when the time arrives. He must, however, have the same perfect muscular structure as Cyris or he would never please me.


	28. Loneliness

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 28 - Loneliness**

There is, Diary, a strange quiet that has descended around the palace this evening. It has been less than two hours since Father and Kalen left to enroll my youngest brother at the Jedi academy. Less than two hours, and already the Palace seems a desolate and barren place.

First Gidden left to explore the stars, then Tana and Jarid to the academy. I admit I was secretly pleased when Tana was expelled; I may not get along with my sister, but her presence does have a soothing effect despite her chaotic nature. Then Gidden's return and eventually disowning and marriage to Tana. Their departure. Jarid's return, Allana's departure. Jarid's departure once more and now Kalen.

All of my family seems to be moving. Be it forward to sideways, they are moving. Mother and Father are constantly shifting more responsibilities to my shoulders and those of the new people's representatives of the house - the sixty three individuals who speak for each planet - as if they are preparing for something I cannot see.

As if I will soon be Queen Mother.

I realize as I sit in the quiet that it was not quite what I wanted.

It has taken everyone leaving for me to finally understand my family and appreciate their nuances. Father will be gone a month and I was left with the explicit instructions to make peace with mother. To talk with her; get to know her as I have not done since Tana and Gidden left.

I am reluctant to do so, or was standing on the landing pad as Father took Kalen away, but it was for purely selfish reasons. I have no wish to hear another lecture on my politics or social abilities. I have no wish to hear that mother thinks me selfish and spoiled.

Yet, even that would be a relief to this silence. Something. Some kind of noise. Anything. A whisper of a laugh or a kind word on the breeze; anything that would indicate life within these walls. But that is not the case and I find myself lonesome and suddenly afraid of the dark. If this persists, I will possibly take father's advice if only for the reason of not being alone.

For all my anger towards my family, I have felt alone in a crowd, yet accepted despite it. Now, with the feeling of aloneness permeating the night, I find I have no desire to be alone in the crowd but the crowd has dispersed - and I find myself alone regardless.

Always alone.

I suppose I should get used to it - I am the Chume'Da and that is my fate.


	29. Two Sides of the Same Story

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 29 - Two Sides of the Same Story**

With Father and Kalen gone, I found myself alone with mother this evening.

Not for discussions on politics, or the current situation. Not to discuss the ramifications of her new reforms or even to speak of Cyris' public humiliation. No, instead, mother felt it necessary to discuss me and where I hope to go.

Honestly, diary, mother asking me of my goals? I have achieved my first goal - I am the Chume'Da, heir to the Hapan crown. It is the first step in obtaining that which I desire most; control of the Hapan Consortium!

Mother appears to have a different idea.

She inquired as to my view on many things, not only the appointment of Allana to the exclusive program at the school, but also as with regards to my views on my other siblings. Kalen, well, he deserves to be a Jedi. He has studied for nothing more and has no keener desire. Kyp's children are joining him so I doubt he will be lacking in companions.

My own twins however are another story. Mother believes that with their marriages to such suitable matches herald the start of my own. We spoke frankly with Mother informing me that it is time to consider searching for a possible consort. She also said something that I could not believe at the time. She demanded to know if I was jealous of Jarid and Tana!

Jealous!

Me?

Ha!

I have no reason to be jealous - though... I admit seeing them so happy and _knowing _they are happy, has made me all the more aware of my status as the eldest who is alone. But I like being alone, do I not? I prefer it? I certainly prefer it to having an affair with my brother - even if there is no blood relation.

Or do I?

Mother's discussion with me this evening was uncomfortable and frank - as she is - and touched on many things I had not given much conscious thought to. Is it possible I _am_ jealous of Tana and Gidden's happiness? Is it possible this is the very reason I am so adamant against it? Or am I simply to immersed in the traditions of my role that I have become desensitized to the very things mother and father attempted to shield us from? Or perhaps I have deliberately cultivated a side of my nature to protect myself against the very things that surround me - the Force and its gifted wielders.

I do not deny I am jealous of my siblings for their abilities, however I should like to think I have many of my own of which to be proud. The Force does appear to make some tasks simpler and yes, certainly, I wish for that in certain instances. Mother also explained much this evening, a frank revelation as to why she has allowed us much leeway and she voiced her own concerns as to the path I have chosen to tread. My treatment of Cyris, Allana's decision to pursue a career of a non-jedi persuasion, Gidden and Tana's marriage and even Jarid's reckless behavior and play boy stunts from the time he was fifteen.

I had not considered it, but now that mother and I have spoken, I understand that she and father could have restricted us in many more ways than they did. Instead they chose to allow us to make our own choices, with a little guidance, and make our own mistakes. It also opens my eyes to possibilities for the future I had not considered and the reasons why mother and father do as they do.

For a woman of few words, mother's speech has left me with much to think about.


	30. Reflections

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 30 - Reflections**

I have had much time to think on mother's discussions with me this past week.

Surprisingly, she did not stop at one, she has sought me out nightly to continue our talks. It is with much chagrin that I have to admit - I believe I have misjudged her. It is not an easy thing to admit, however, her honesty and my loneliness have forced me to reevaluate the very nature of my quarrels with her, father, Tana and Gidden.

For the first time I believe I understand why mother could not, or perhaps - more accurately - would not interfere with their relationship.

She has spoken of her trials before her wedding to father, of their different upbringings, her time at the academy and of father's attempts to make her smile. She smiles often now - or more often than she used to according to her stories - and I will be the first to admit that mother has not had it easy.

Despite her wealth, she has admitted to feeling torn between the two worlds of her birth. Despite the ease of her apparent circumstances, she often felt the pull of her mother's world and in fact felt more at home there. The lure of Hapes with its glittering cities and social whirlwind do not appeal to her and never have.

Her choice, as she has told me, to take over her birthright was not an easy one. It was not something she expected to have to do even if it was the one things that saved her sanity when she believed father to be dead. It is a testament to her character that she was able to continue after such a heart breaking event - only to regain him at a later date.

I am eternally thankful to whatever medium destined mother's reunion with father. My siblings and I would not exist without it and I could not write to you now.

It does, however, throw Tana's relationship with Gidden into a new light. Mother recalls well the despair of love stolen before it had time to blossom. She remembers well the feeling of being adrift, of loss - of hopelessness. My sister, unfortunately, was unable to deal with these as well as mother, however, it can only have helped to have such a supportive parent. And hindered to have a sister who was unable to look beyond her own selfish views. Mother has said as much and I feel guilty for not showing my twin more compassion.

For all our differences, Tana is still my sister and she deserved my loyalty. I may not agree with their choices, but they were not mine to condemn or approve. It was not my place to attempt to interfere and it was not my responsibility to ensure they avoided their mistake. If indeed it is a mistake. Mother has pointed out that all of her children need to make mistakes to learn.

The lesson I will take from this is disassociation. I must learn to view circumstances from all sides and weigh the pros and cons of my interference before stepping in to do so. Perhaps if I had in the first place, I might not have pushed my sister towards Gidden unintentionally. Perhaps it would have made no difference. But I shall never know.


	31. The Consort Question

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 31 - The Consort Question**

Not all conversations with mother in the two weeks since father's departure have been good. Nor have they been constructive. Mother does not talk for the sake of talking, nor does she interfere unnecessarily.

So I find myself wondering why she poses such awkward questions.

She has inquired as to my state of mind. As to my confrontation with Cyris and my feelings regarding the issue. She has also gone so far as to ask if perhaps I had been hasty in dismissing him as a suitor.

Ha!

He got what he deserved.

I admit, however, that my time in the palace seems duller, less entertaining without his presence. He knows what to say to make me laugh and his physical prowess is unmatched. My eyes search for similar perfection and never find it, only to ache with the strain.

I told her as much, but mother seems to be of the opinion that I could reopen negotiations with Cyris' family if I should choose. But choose what? He is not the malleable male I would have as my consort. Cyris is willful, presumptuous, arrogant and entirely too confident in his charm. I like the last, in fact, I would prefer my consort to be confident, however, overconfidence is not attractive. My consort is going to be a man of integrity with the knowledge to know when to step back and allow me my prerogatives as the Chume'Da.

Someone like... someone like father.

Father is a rare breed of male. He is not only considerate, he is completely enamored with mother. He loves her to a fault and beyond. He would die for her - almost has - and fought to keep her. He kidnapped her to ensure she would marry him but respects her opinions and decisions. He allows her the freedom to be the woman she is without expecting her to give up those things that make her who and what she is. He _conformed_ to her life - not an easy thing I am told - because he could not live without her.

I am a practical person, one of intellect and logic, however I admit that their story appeals to me on some level.

What am I saying? Love is for people like my parents and those silly enough to believe in the conflicting signals their hormones are sending. I will be happy with a man who is seen and not heard - and makes _excellent_ eye candy.

All I have to do now is find one.


	32. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 32 - Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder**

Mother insisted on having a small 'get together' of the Hapan nobles this evening. I admit to being shocked but a part of me believes she is as anxious - more so - for father's return that I first believed. My parents have not been apart much since we triplets were born; this separation cannot be easy.

I, for one, am glad mother insisted on a party of some kind. It was a chance to socialize, to weed out those unsuitable males who would dare presume to be my consort. Unfortunately, once I had finished my discussions, I was surprised to find not a suitable one in the lot! Oh, Hapan males are handsome enough, but none possess the _right_ characteristics that I seek.

Was mother correct? Does she know something I do not? Am I perhaps being hasty in dismissing Cyris as a potential consort? Is there more to his insistence that I honor Tana's contract than I believe? Was he motivated by something other than the position?

I do not know and I find it distressing.

Almost as distressing as his absence from the party. Mother informed me she was sending an invitation to _all_ noble houses which includes his. Was there another reason they did not come or is he still sulking from my public dismissal of him? Is he plotting revenge or is he waiting on an apology?

If he is, it will be a long time in coming! I will not apologize for my behavior towards his presumptuous demand. He knew better than to make it, let alone make it in public. What did he honestly think would happen? Even if I had not been incensed, I would never have agreed to such petty maneuvering and he knows me well enough - or so he claimed - to know it.

Was his insistence deliberate then? A calculated maneuver or one that was ordered by his mother? It pains me to think he was forced to act out such an ugly scene - for it was ugly. At the time I was proud of my behavior. Now I find I am less than satisfied with it. Cyris could have been forced into making such a demand by his mother - a woman of no small power - and been unable to decline without severe consequences.

It worries me to think I have compounded the issue. Were the circumstances other than what they are I might seek to discover his current state of mind. As it is, if I am to be considered strong, I cannot. I can only wait and wonder and hope he will someday speak with me again.


	33. Tana's Gesture

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 33 - Tana's Gesture**

My sister sent me a holo note today. Why, I do not know, however it was with some surprise that I realized I was _happy_ to hear from her. Not delighted as I am with notes from Jarid, but not displeased either. I have not spoken with my sister Tana since her wedding to Gidden, but her note spoke not of those things nor the differences that separated us - she did not try to make the rift wider.

Instead, she asked for my forgiveness. She indicated that she felt she had not been understanding of my objections or reactions. That she had not tried to understand where I came from with regards to the situation in general and, after having given it some thought, believed that she had treated me unfairly. That said, she also stated her forgiveness for my actions.

Imagine - as if I would _ever_ ask for forgiveness for something I believed was wrong to begin with!

But still...

The gesture is appreciated. My sister went on to say that she and Gidden are doing well and hinted at a possible announcement in the near future. With Gidden as her instructor at the academy I can only hope that she has finally achieved the rank she so coveted as a child - that of Jedi Knight - and perhaps someday Master. Gidden has ever known how to guide her and while I may not been in complete acceptance of their union, I believe it has served other purposes.

My sister has regained her self confidence and purpose. She has become a woman of quiet confidence and much of that influence must fall to Gidden. All of it, if I am truly to be honest. Gidden is good for her in ways no one else has ever been. He is her perfect match.

And while I may not completely approve of it, I no longer object as strenuously to it as I once did. Tana deserves her happiness, as does Gidden, and it is not my desire to stand in their way. Tana, I am certain will be gratified with my response. She has always believed I would come around in time. And, perhaps I have - and in less than a year!

Honestly, though, if they can find a measure of peace together, as Mother and Father have, who am I to stand in their way?


	34. Tana's News

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 34 - Tana's News**

Gidden and Tana sent a joint note to the palace this evening with the announcement that Tana had hinted at in her holo letter. I admit to having looked forward to this announcement with anticipation as Tana appeared so eager to confide in me in her letter, but uncertain as to how it would be received. I was certain the news to be momentous - and it is!

I am to be an aunt!

An aunt! Me!

Gidden and she appeared to be so very happy I find myself envious. And more than a trifle annoyed at myself.

If I had not alienated them during their courtship, perhaps they would have felt inclined to remain in the Palace, or at the very least on Hapes. Perhaps they would be closer than several days by starship so I could embrace my sister with the news. For I admit to being overcome with emotion by their announcement - most of all chagrin. It is my fault for pushing them away. My stubborn nature that did not allow me to see - until now - exactly what they could not give up. They have made overtures and I have spurned them.

I was simply too stubborn to allow them my forgiveness. And look at what I have missed!

Jarid's relationship with Jysella has indeed softened me towards Tana and Gidden and while I am able to see their relationship in a more charitable light, especially with a child involved, I find myself wondering what else I have missed. If I had been more understanding of Tana's plight during Gidden's absence, would we have been closer sister? Would I have had a confidante and ally, one who understood the way I thought and who could share my dreams?

I suppose I will never know.

Fortunately, such melancholy thoughts today do not leave me as pensive as they could - I am to be an aunt and that, more than any regret I might have, is a worthy thing to dwell on.


	35. Mom Welcomes Jysella

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 35 - Mom Welcomes Jysella**

On the heels of Gidden and Tana's announcement, barely a day later, my brother has brought his betrothed! Jarid had returned to Hapes with Jysella. The tall, dark haired beauty is as I remember her before my brother's injury. She is fiery, with a volatile nature to match Jarid's and a passion that they both share - and do little to hide.

I admit to finding it amusing as they speak with Mother. She has never been an overly emotional or prone to demonstrations of affection, yet here is my brother, a man known through the cluster as a play boy, practically begging for mother's approval.

As if she would not give it!

I cannot help but laugh as I remember the scene this morning in the gymnasium as Jarid and Jysella joined mother for sparring. I would have joined them, however, I know my limitations. Sparring with three acknowledged Jedi Knights when one does not have the Force is inadvisable. Even sparring with my younger siblings - Kalen in particular - was inadvisable. I learned the hard way to avoid these matches as more than a spectator. That is, if I did not wish to be nursing bruises for the following week.

I digress.

Mother's sparring with Jarid was, as usual, flawless. Despite the years, her excellent physical condition has not faded. She is as athletic now as... as when Father first met her. Perhaps her movements lack a touch of fluidic grace, but mother has explained age works on all things, even trained warriors. Beauty and strength cannot last forever, or so I am told.

My mother is doing a fine job of flaunting that myth.

Her sparring with Jysella, however, was more exciting than that of her with Jarid. My brother was so very obvious in his wish not to appear bias towards Jysella during the match, however he was obviously torn between them. _I_ had no such compunction. Jysella would need every supporter to best our mother - yet despite our encouragements, mother prevailed once more.

I found it telling that, at the end of the match, mother clipped her saber to her belt and offered a hand to Jysella to assist her off the mat. I did not hear the words spoken - though I can likely guess - nor do I completely understand Jysella's blush, but it was mother's way of welcoming her into the family. I do not think Jarid understood this as he rushed to comfort his fiancée but he will learn.

With mother's approval, father's is certain to follow.

I cannot wait for their wedding!


	36. Image is Everything

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 36 - Image is Everything**

I had not thought it possible to be stunned by many things anymore, diary. I had not thought there were many people who could or would attempt to do so with me. Yet there is one person who was closer to Grandpa Han than anyone - except Grandma Leia - and he is constantly around the palace. I suppose it helps that his children lived here for a time even if they have since been sent to the academy with Great-Uncle Luke.

Uncle Kyp can often be found speaking with Jana or Scruffy - or both - and both women appear to enjoy his company. Never have I seen a man flirt so outrageously with women. Mother has told me that Uncle Kyp is a charmer and while I can certainly see his appeal - he is in excellent physical condition, he is handsome and roguish looking - he is much too old for me to take him seriously. His compliments are too outrageous and always said with a twinkle in his eye, as if he is aware of my thoughts.

He may very well be for I make no attempt to hide what I am or my opinion of those around me. It is both a failing and a blessing. I am my mother's daughter and become more so with each passing day. Plain spoken and with little use of frivolities. Of course, they have a time as place as does subterfuge, guile and a host of other skills my siblings had no need to acquire.

Perhaps this is why Uncle Kyp made a point to warn me today.

Cyris had not been seen since his rather embarrassing social faux pas at our garden party and the rumors have it that his mother feels she is in disgrace. It pleased me at the time, but Uncle Kyp's warning has made me reevaluate my stance. He warned me not to give up something as valuable as the relationship I had with Cyris. He cautioned against letting pride stand in the way of a connection like the one he has seen Cyris and I share.

I suppose it was only telling that this discussion distressed me. I have been thinking more of Cyris as the days progress towards father's return and the more I think, the more melancholy I become. It would never do for mother or father to suspect I have become romantically attached to a male. That is to say, if I in fact am. I have not seen nor spoken to Cyris in weeks and I do not see why I should be so focused on his absence!

Perhaps Uncle Kyp is right and it is I who must make the first more. But how to do so without appearing weak to Hapes? If I invite Cyris back to the palace for discussion - for, diary, he is a most agile man in conversation - it would reflect badly on my abilities. Hapes would no longer trust my judgment and I would be worse off than... than Tana was upon her return!

No. I cannot make the first overture. No matter the cost, I cannot damage the image that will be necessary when I claim mother's crown. No matter how long in the future _that_ might be.


	37. Cheating Heart

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 37 - Cheating Heart**

What can my brother possibly see in Jysella?

Of all the self centered, egotistical, spoiled brats! I have never seen a woman so sure of herself and her conquests and be less than affected should they fail! She, dear diary, attempted to abscond with my brother's valet.

His _valet_ of all things! In reality it is the bodyguard who is assigned to him when he is at home, however, the man is impervious to charm. Jysella's kind of charm thankfully. I would never have believed it if I had not heard her myself. Imagine, the nerve of her. She has been a welcome guest in our home, a woman who has been accepted like a member of the family - for in truth she shall soon be one - and she is throwing herself at a guard!

Jarid did not believe me when I informed him and I cannot say I blame him. I attempted similar tactics with Gidden and Tana and he has no capacity to see deceit in his beloved. If I were not so mad at her, I might attempt to knock some sense into _his_ head! The two of them are quiet the pair.

Frankly, diary, I do not know if Jysella is worthy of my brother after this night. If I had my way, I would ship her back to her parents and save Jarid the heart break. Unfortunately, it is not my place and I can do little more than watch.

I sincerely hope she does not hurt him, for if and when she does - Force or not - I will do her a permanent injury.


	38. Tangled Webs

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 38 - Tangled Webs**

My last entry may have been premature. I admit to being incensed regarding Jysella's behavior, however, it was explained by an argument I overheard between she and Jarid. I do not think they knew if I was listening nor do I think they would care if they knew I had been. It was a very enlightening discussion - one that answered many unspoken questions and cast Jysella's behavior in a new light.

Jysella had been upset by Jarid's previous paramours. One of them, a lady of some note, had been in the palace that morning with her infant son. A son she claimed was Jarid's and - as such - he should welcome a place in her household and not with some shrewish off-worlder. I was not there but I was given the impression that an argument erupted immediately between Jysella and Jarid.

I cannot blame Jysella for reacting to such news, true or not, but Jarid could have handled the matter better.

As I listened I could not help but think they were well matched once more. Jysella lets Jarid win no battle of words without making him earn it - something my brother sorely lacked as a teenager - and she gave as good as she got. I also understood, from this discussion, that the overture I had thought I overheard from Jysella to Jarid's valet was in fact a request for assistance in dealing with the sticky mess of another woman's child - not the desire to create one with him.

My chagrin is complete.

Not only did I jump to conclusions regarding my brother's bride, but I influenced my brother towards Jysella. The baby is being put through a paternity test to match with my brother, but he is young enough I am doubtful he is Jarid's. Jarid has spent much of the last two years away from Hapes. Unless it is a child conceived on one of his infrequent visits home - and I am skeptical - the child cannot be his.

Fortunately, they did not argue long - though it was heated - and I believe things will resume as normal once the child is proven not to belong to Jarid.

At least, I do not believe he belongs to Jarid... but I have been known to be wrong.


	39. Confusion

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 39 - Confusion**

Well, the day I have both been dreading and anticipating has arrived. Only... two events occurred today that bear note, not just one.

Father's return - looking more relaxed than ever and feeling it from the look of the kiss he gave mother - and Cyris' return to the palace to bear me company

Is that how I should consider it? Cyris as bearing a burden? He was obsequiousness in itself. He begged my forgiveness, did not once look me in the eye and prostrated himself before me.

I have never felt so sick in my life - not even when Tana married Gidden!

What is wrong with me?

I should be happy, should I not, that Cyris has become the very subservient being I wished as my consort? Thrilled that he has finally understood what the Chume'Da needs? What _I_ need in a man?

Or do I need that in a man? Do I even _want_ subservience in a man? I find myself torn. I despise seeing Cyris so broken and amicable. I want the man who objected, debated and challenged me. This new side of him, I find, is not the challenge I need - nor want - and some appeal of his perfection has been diminished.

Would not my siblings laugh if they saw me now?

I, Layne Djo-Solo, the Chume'Da who wanted the perfect male specimen who not only appealed to me physically but to my pride as well. And now that I have it, I find that it is not at all what I wanted.

I would speak with mother but she and father have been occupied since his return. Perhaps tomorrow morning I will be able to obtain a moment of her time. If for no other reason than to discover how to reverse the transformation that Cyris has attempted to please me, for a whipped and beaten consort is not one I would ever find pleasure in.


	40. Truth Revealed

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 40 - Truth Revealed**

Fortunately for my brother, Jarid has been proven _not_ to be the father of that woman's child. Thankfully, with her dismissal from the palace, things have begun returning to normal. Jarid and Jysella have met with my parents - as if there was any doubt to father's blessing - and obtained an enthusiastic reply. I know - I heard it thought the door to their chambers as I passed. My brother went so far as to request I paint Jysella's portrait for him; in miniature.

I humor him, for Jarid has been a fountain of information on Cyris and ample help in discovering what ails my sister's spurned potential husband. That, and I would do much to ensure Jarid's continued happiness. It is with delight I have watched them - though it is quite uncomfortable at times - go about the palace in their own world. Jysella, thankfully, challenges him to reckless stunts far more than he challenges her. And Jarid, to my extreme surprise, has often turned down those challenges.

Or thought of his own less dangerous ones. Perhaps the responsibility of knowing he and Jysella are to be married has mellowed him. It is for certain he does not notice other women be it when he is with or without her. The amusement for we around him is tangible; women often throw themselves at him now and he does not so much as bat an eye.

For my brother - who loves women of all shapes and sizes - it is only more proof that he is in fact smitten with his intended.

It is not such a bad thing.

My brother deserves his happiness and the sacrifice he made to obtain it would have been belittled if things had not turned out as they did. It would have been tragic for him to lose so much to gain little in return. Fortunately that tragedy was averted and things are as they should be.

I hope they will stay that way.


	41. The Cyris Problem

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 41 - The Cyris Problem**

I have spoken with mother, who was very little help, but help none the less. It was more than I had before.

Cyris, it would appear, is under pressure from his mother. I shamed her when I publically dismissed Cyris' suit and she made him pay for it. His attitude is likely my fault, indirectly, because he is at the mercy of his parent.

My grandfather Isolder was more helpful than mother.

As a male, he was subject to the same abuses that Cyris is now subjected to in his home. My grandfather was able to shed a unique perspective on the matter, and was adamant that my attitude towards Cyris' mother would be reflected in her treatment of him.

I find myself once again in a tangle, diary, for I cannot stand his mother. She is conceited, arrogant, and pompous and fancies herself to be an equal to the Djo house.

Perhaps it is because of father's rank as mother's husband - and not consort. Perhaps it is that she is descendant of an ex-Consort to my great, great grandmother. One who, thankfully, bore no offspring. Perhaps it is because I encouraged Cyris' interest in Tana which would have elevated her status to in-law with the Royal family.

Whatever the reason, I cannot stand her and am now being counseled to do just that.

Is Cyris worth it? Is this truly that which I wish? If Cyris' friendship with me so important that I am willing to swallow my pride and abide his mother for a few social calls? I do not know, diary. I only know this. I cannot bear the memory of Cyris' resigned expression during our last conversation. Of his simple and agreeable answers. Of his deference to me in everything, including the way I know he does not like his drink.

And because of this, I know only this truth: I intend to try.


	42. Penance

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 42 - Penance **

This is surely penance for my previous behavior, for if I am not a saint, I soon will be. Cyris' mother is insufferable - the woman would try... would try Master Skywalker's patience! Or perhaps Grandma Leia's. She is a serpent in human form and one that has no interest in the well being of her son.

I spent the better part of today sipping acidic tea in a stuffy room listening to this woman drone on and on about her family's illustrious history and almost-tie to my own. I heard about the disgrace of her sister in being caught and sold as a harem slave, of the miscarriage she had had upon hearing the news and how her son was her only living heir. She came near tears - tears! - as she described what an awful responsibility it was to have a mere male as her heir.

And she meant not a word of it.

I should not be surprised, but I am.

How can a mother be so uncaring to the needs of her son? Especially when that son is an intelligent, diligent and worldly man such as Cyris? How can his own mother not see that he is witty and sharp and instead call him a bore and a disgrace. Instead of marking on his past friendship with me, she laments not forcing him to offer for Tana sooner.

Forcing!

I held my tongue, only barely, and wanted to simply lock her in the palace dungeon and throw away the key. How dare she speak of Cyris like that? How dare she imply he is something less than perfect? The _only_ thing she found at all to be in his favor were his passable looks. Passable! The man is an Adonis in a group of beauties, a shimmering star among diamonds and glitters more brightly - and more honestly - than any false beauty I have ever seen.

Perhaps the next time I shall tell his mother that.

...

No.

I think perhaps I shall tell _Cyris_ that. His mother is beneath me and he is the only part of that family I wish to be involved with. Yes, that is what I shall do. Perhaps when he sees how much I value his integrity and honesty - his willingness to argue with me - he will give up this notion of subservience. It is unattractive and only diminishes him. I simply have to get him to see it... somehow.


	43. Allana

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 43 - Allana**

She has done it!

Allana has done the unthinkable and landed the leading role as our mother in the holo-biography depicting her rise to Queen Mother and quest to reform Hapes - starting with the Royal Family. Not only has Allana landed the leading role, but she has used her _influence_ to obtain writing credit. Allana had employed mother's bodyguard and friend Jana to assist her in the re-write of the script.

Thankfully the studio has agreed to the changes - of course they could not have done otherwise with mother threatening to ruin the company with slander charges.

It does my heart good to see Allana not only excelling in her chosen field, but attempting to set the record straight about mother and father's romance at the same time.

To my knowledge the holo-biography will begin with Grandmother Teneniel's death and expand from there. Mother has shown a marked interest in this particular venture and both she and father will likely be involved to correct errors and bicker over the facts as they each saw them. That they have joined Allana's project, not only as consultants, but by showing such support of her career, means much to my little sister.

The only down side to this whole venture is that they will be unable to film on Yuuzhan'tar where father went with mother after kidnapping her. It will be interesting to see how they recreate the events that led from her disappearance to their eventual marriage and rediscovery as a married couple. The biography, to my understanding, ends with the birth of us triplets.

I am very curious to see how the influences of those involved at the time will affect the outcome of the holo-film itself. Allana has been doing herself proud and I do not know how I ever doubted her. Whatever the outcome of this holo-drama, I am confident it will not be the last for her.


	44. Two Steps Forward

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 44 - Two Steps Forward...**

It would seem that I am making progress.

I had the misfortune of meeting Cyris' mother once again today, this time during a public luncheon, and I made a point of sitting with her. To my dismay, she quickly ensured everyone present was aware of the fact. Not overtly of course, but she did make a point of sharing a few words with everyone who passed the table and ensuring I was included. To make matters worse, she spoke very highly of me and nothing of her son. It was left to me to bring up Cyris and my approval of her decision to see that he was returned to the palace. If her answer had been any more snide, I do not know what I would have done, but I would not have been held responsible for my actions.

I was able, by some small miracle, to avoid scratching her eyes out for the duration of the afternoon. I despise the woman.

Fortunately, Cyris was waiting for me upon my return and - upon seeing my mood - set out my paints. The evening more than made up for the afternoon, as Cyris has always been my favorite subject to paint. This time was no exception, especially as he was required to hold still for an extended length of time and simply allow me my say. That he did not move to defend his mother in any form did much to re-establish my equilibrium.

He left me without saying much; however, I did persuade him to rejoin me for the morning meal. I should like, very much to have his company tomorrow. Just he and I.

Father will likely have a coronary on the spot for me to do something so daring, but I do not care. It is high time Cyris understand what it is about his presence that draws me so - and return to it. I want no more of this simpering fool who dances attendance on me. Today I was given a glimpse of the Cyris I yearn for, the one who truly understands my moods, and I find another day without him is too much.

Enough is enough.


	45. Cyris' Mother

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 45 - Cyris' Mother**

I have had it, diary. Had it.

Cyris' mother is pushing him into something he is not yet ready for - as indicated by his continued resistance to my insistence that he question me - and was sent this morning with a proposal to match Cyris and myself.

While I am not adverse to the proposal - in fact it is my ultimate goal - I have no wish to take Cyris as my Consort while he is such a subservient male. He would not keep my attentions despite my affection for him, nor would he be capable of fending off those who would challenge his right to that particularly coveted position.

I am not being immodest to say that I am frequently courted by hopeful mothers who wish to have their sons as either primary Consort, or a part of the harem that is the legacy of my mother's Grandmother's days. They seem under the impression that I will take multiple lovers and quickly be bored.

How wrong they are and how shocked they would be if they knew it!

I digress.

I was trying to decide what to do about Cyris' mother. My own mother has approached me with concerns to Cyris and his parent, especially the controlling attitude the other woman as adopted. I must find some way to break her hold. Not only for a moment, but for good. I admit to having contemplated a stay in the dungeon, however, I do not know if Cyris would continue to speak with me should something unforeseen happen to his mother. It is not uncommon, you know, for people to go missing and never be heard from again.

I would ask his opinion, but he has not changed his attitude, nor his obsequious attitude. I do not know how much more of it I can stomach before I shall snap.

As for Cyris' mother... I do believe a visit by Scruffy may have the effect I desire. Scruffy is not a diplomatic person and her words will not be misconstrued.

Yes. That will do nicely. Hopefully it will prevent further bullying of Cyris so I can continue my quest to retrieve the man I truly wish to spend time with from within him.

Hopefully.


	46. Reconciliation

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 46 - Reconciliation**

Tana and Gidden have come to visit and Tana has never looked as radiant as she does now! They did not tell me I am due to become an aunt sometime in the next month or two in their holo letter. I question how long they waited to announce the news; however, I do understand they wished it to be their affair for a time. Their child will be welcomed with great enthusiasm into a large family - one they perhaps wish to introduce them to slowly.

I did something I am not accustom to today, diary. It shames me to admit that it was a very difficult thing to do, but I did not falter despite the blush that climbed my cheeks or the stunned look on Tana and Gidden's faces.

I apologized to them.

That is correct.

I have chosen that I wish to be a true aunt to their child, someone who is willing to be there, to assist them in any way I can, and to do so I must be on good terms with his or her parents. And I no longer feel as betrayed as I did. They were right to seek one another out, no matter my feelings at the time. They were right to fight for what they wanted, to disregard the fears and prejudices of those around them and grasp for happiness.

Tana would never have been happy with Cyris - I see that now - and I would have been miserable watching them.

Gidden, thankfully, accepted my apology with grace and aplomb - and a bear hug that almost crushed my ribs. He called me sister once more and meant it and I could do nothing but respond in kind - and felt better for it. For Gidden, despite his lack of blood tie to me, has been and always will be my older brother. That he and Tana are together is no longer an issue - I am happy for them.

I only hope they will be as happy for me if and when my designs on Cyris become public knowledge - providing I can regain what I have lost. Only time will tell.


	47. Success!

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 47 - Success!**

Scruffy has reported back to me on her discussion with Cyris' mother and, to my delight, the news is all good.

Before I report, I feel obliged to make note of the fact that mother approved my plan for dealing with this woman. She called it worthy of my mother's grandmother in its subtleness. No one would suspect anything untoward happening with the head of my mother's guard visiting a potential consort's mother. It happens often enough.

And I am exuberant with the outcome!

Not only was Scruffy able to speak with the witch of a woman, but she delivered my message splendidly. Scruffy did look disappointed for not having to resort to violence, but Hapan nobles are known for their astuteness of the unsaid. I am certain Cyris' mother did not misconstrue my message.

I am asking that Cyris join me for the morning meal once more tomorrow. Hopefully, if all goes well, I can finally uncover the man he used to be and the one I wish to speak with.


	48. Breakfast

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 48 - Breakfast**

Cyris kept his promise and joined me for my morning meal. And when I say mine, I mean mine. He refused, to the point of being obstinate, to join me and gave me some drivel about it being inappropriate.

Rubbish - the man did not, or perhaps cannot, take the hint!

After that fiasco in which I ate little for his eyes on me - and my fear to voice my disapproval for fear he would return another submissive posture - I had to explain it to him in basic. Point basic in fact. I swore I would be calm, diary, but the man was so trying, so exasperating, I lost my temper!

I raged at him, making it very clear that I had no wish to see any more subservient behavior from him. The poor man could not have missed how irate I was - I practically took his head off! - though he showed little to no reaction. This is the Cyris I am now confronted with; the Cyris who willingly takes my abuse instead of questioning my reasoning.

It shames me to say it, diary, but I shouted at him, screaming direct insults on his lineage until, to my amusement and delight, he snapped.

Yes, diary, Cyris _snapped_.

He denounced his mother, claiming her a conniving, scheming busy-body with aspirations of having a connection to the Royal House through him. He shouted back, our voices carrying so far and so furiously into the hall that Jana - mother's personal bodyguard - came to investigate.

I waved her away with a gesture. I had no wish to interrupt Cyris' tirade for it was here that I learned many of the truths that have been kept from me. Of his mother's aspiration. His own desire not to marry Tana and the subsequent pressure placed on him by his mother to demand I honor the contract. It was here that he revealed he has no interest in a tie to the Royal House for politics or power, but as my friend - yet his mother is insisting he play the perfect subservient.

After all of this, he walked out on me. Me! And I failed to go after him. I could not. I was drained, exhausted from the emotional release and delighted at the same time.

My Cyris was back and I only hope that he will continue to express himself like that to me. It is, after all, what I want.


	49. Walking on Eggshells

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 49 - Walking on Eggshells**

Cyris may have expressed himself once, but unfortunately it has been an isolated incident. He seems disinclined to share my days, to share even a briefest moment of my company, and so I did something I was unwilling to do months ago.

I sent for him.

Yes, diary, that is written correctly. I swallowed my pride and sent for the man I wished to spend my time with. Mother and father leave me to my own devices and there is little for me to do beyond assist in the workings of the cluster. Unfortunately my duties have not yet been reinstated and so I am at a loss for what to do with my time. Spending it with Cyris doing nothing is preferable to spending it at pointless teas and events with people attempting to curry favor.

Cyris deigned to join me, and to my dismay the first words out of his mouth were an apology.

I could not help myself, diary, I gave him another piece of my mind. Only this time I did it rationally and calmly, to see how he would respond.

Fortunately this had the desired effect, for he was unable to resist being drawn into a debate with me and voiced several views during the fact that were very contrary to what males are trained to believe. It was gratifying to have him open up to my once more, even if I had to goad him into it.

When we parted ways this evening, shortly before the evening meal, I admit I was shocked to see how much time had passed. Fortunately he did not simply walk away this time. Instead we had an amicable parting. Unfortunately it was not the parting a part of me has been secretly hoping for.

One of these days I will drive that man to distraction and make him kiss me - really kiss me - so I finally know what all the fuss is about.

Fuss you ask? Why, the fuss Jarid makes over Jysella, or Tana makes over Gidden. I would know what it is to be kissed by the man I am in love with if it is the last thing I do!


	50. First Kiss

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 50 - First Kiss**

Today was magical, diary.

Not only has Cyris begun reasserting himself; he told me today he intends to _personally_ see that I no longer trample all over everyone around me. That I reign in my temper - or only express it with him - and that I mind my own business. He swore to be my sounding board, to help keep me balanced and focused, and he swore to be my friend first in all things for it is in that friendship where I have found my true strengths.

To my delight he sealed his promise with a kiss. And not just any kiss, but a passionate one. I have never been kissed like that before, diary. Never, as you well know, been kissed beyond the barest dare of a brush across my lips. No boy, no _man_ has dared to venture my wrath at such a brash move.

But this... this was no fawning attempt to win my trust. This was everything that I desired it to be and more. It was a branding, claiming, furious kind of kiss my brother once told me a man uses to lay claim to a woman's heart... among other things. I certainly hope this kiss is a portent of things to come, for if all his kisses make my head spin the way this one did, I can well being nothing but content for the rest of my days.

Success!

Cyris has returned and returned for good and he is mine. And I intend to keep it that way.


	51. Consort - No, Husband: Husband is better

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 51 - Consort - No, Husband. Husband is better**

It is tradition for the Chume'Da to select her consort only after being confirmed as Queen Mother.

I find myself disagreeing with this custom to the point where I have broken it. I have chosen my consort, my future husband and the man who will father the next generation of Hapan nobility. Cyris has deigned to forgive my mistakes and permitted me the honor of _asking_ for his commitment. He even dared to voice a condition - his sole condition where I had many.

Cyris has no wish to share me with other men.

As if I would look at another with _him_ around! I pretended to grudgingly accept his condition, when in fact I am thrilled. For I will share him with no other either - and be sure he knows this! - and am delighted he has no wish to share me. Who would have thought I would one day, with only one male to share my days?

For a woman who wished to be like her grandmother once upon a time, I have drifted far from her teachings. Grandfather Isolder is delighted by the change. I can tell. He is pleased that neither my mother nor I are willing to have a male submit to us. He told me so last evening, after the formal announcement, that Cyris is to be considered my property.

I wish I had thought to bring a holo-recorder; Cyris' expression was _priceless_!

Father says I will be impossible until the wedding. As it must be a grand affair - I _am_ Chume'Da after all - we cannot do a ceremony like Tana and Gidden's. The ranking nobility from every planet in the cluster must be invited, all friends and family and the requisite six month betrothal must be observed. Which is likely a good thing as it will take that long to plan the official and elaborate ceremony.

Grandma Leia with be thrilled.


	52. Musings

**Layne Djo-Solo**

**Entry 52 - Musings**

I feel winsome tonight, diary. Pensive. In a mood to reflect and recollect on the changes that both I and my family have faced in the past year.

I have seen much. From Tana and Gidden's wedding, to Allana's departure from tradition to become a holo star, to Jarid - my erratic and adventurous brother - becoming engaged. I suppose with both of my twins having found someone, it is only fitting that I should end the year by announcing my own choice of consort - of _husband_ - and one that mother and father approve of heartily.

I have changed much through this year, diary.

I have been forced to reevaluate opinions and ideas, to grow beyond what I was and to look beyond my narrow view of the world. I have been forced to swallow my pride, to fight for that which I truly want - after realizing that what I wanted was not what I believed I wanted - and I have reconciled with my siblings.

I have grown from the selfish, spoiled girl I now see I was into a woman who has chosen her own path.

I am not a Jedi. I will never be able to be a Jedi. I am not a holo star, nor do I have a desire to be one. I cannot have father's affinity for animals, nor Tana's for plants; however, I do have my painting. I am a woman with a head for politics, for the arena in which I was born to take command. I find I am well suited to follow in my mother's footsteps and find myself hoping that it is a long time in the future.

I have found who and what I am and who and what I wish to be in this past year and have chosen to accomplish those goals. I have fought for what I truly believed in and won. I have what I wished for, what I was too blind to see when it was in front of me and only realized its loss when it could no longer be mine. I would have given up my crown, my title and my position to have regained my old Cyris.

Thankfully, that was not necessary.

I am and remain Layne Djo-Solo, Chume'Da to Hapes and future wife to Cyris. I cannot wait for my wedding!

_fin_

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ And that's it folks! Layne was a fun character to explore this way - to showcase in an unconventional fashion. Not only did this diary spawn spin off vignettes - yes, plural; expect something with Layne and Cyris shortly ;) - but it was a good opportunity to explain what happened after _Homecoming_


End file.
